World biz and more as seen from India

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Redefining the Queen's Language

Relish the next few minutes because they will set you rolling with laughter irrespective of the mood you are in at this moment.

During the induction process at a very well known family owned company, many speakers from various departments present their "power points" and some are not very proficient in the English Language. I've maintained a diary which has some of these misnomers -

A 26 year old guy is presenting about how the company practices Safety in all its manufacturing operations.... So, here goes -

'It does not does anything.'

"Are there stress in the workplace?"

'If we take decisions with stresses, can this happen?'

'Let's talk about fire. Whern it is small, you can control it.'

Initial 2-3 minutes in any emergency is very important'

'It does not leaves you with your responsibilities' What the presenter meant was that you cannot shy away from your responsibilities.

"A road is dugged up."

"Am I answering right?" What he meant was, "Did I answer your qusetion?"

Sign off statement - I wish you all the luck and (pause pause pause) safety things at Godrej.

Here are some one liners speech by the CEO of XYZ Infotech-

'It depends on how dynamically they want to push the business forward.'

'Not many people use it but.... there are some who use it.

'Information is available evey morning as yesterday evening.' What he meant was - "Information is updated every morning (on the server) and you can access the information of the previous evening)

'I am sure you are going to benefit this.'

My Personal Favourite - We have to delearn the people and then make them learn again. This comes from the VP HR

These men may send a chill down the spine of many a writer of 'The Economist', but they bloody well know how to do their jobs!!!