Bhagwaan tumhaara bhala kare!

Recently I decided to analyze one of the most clichéd phrases used by beggars on the streets of Mumbai:

"Garibon ki suno, woh tumhari sunega
Tum ek paise dogey, woh dus lakh dega"

English translation:

"Listen to the poor, HE will listen to you,

If you give a paisa, he will give you 10 lakhs"

Firstly, I decided to analyze the much ambiguous statement as quoted by the beggar:

".......woh tumhari sunega" - here is it not too clear that the WOH actually means God, since neither of the lines clearly state that. Hence the source of the revenue to the person making the contribution is not known.

Time value of money: Finance grads will recognize the importance of the concept of time while talking about money, returns, NPV etc. As can be observed from the quote used, there is no mention at all about the time after which the so called "Dus Lakh" will be given to the donor. This is too ambiguous, since, even if we go by the market rates, getting returns of 10 lakhs for a paisa invested will take us ages to get!

I discussed the investment avenues possible with my dad, who came up with the following alternatives:

Investment Avenue----- Min/Avg. Returns---- Comments
Share market--------------- 20% ------------------No upper limit to your returns!
Equity Mutual Funds----40 – 50 %-----------------Depends on the market!
Debt mutual funds---------8%

Public provident fund---- 8%----------------------Your money gets locked for long!
RBI Bonds--------------------- 8%----------------------Very safe
Real Estate---------------- Cant say
Bullion--------------------- Cant say

We came to the conclusion that if we were to remit money to the beggar and God were to repay us, the beggar must be some sort of broker/sub-broker or agent for God. Now the more important issue in hand is about where God will be investing the money…..certainly I’m not undead to know as to what investment options are available up there. So I presume that God must be having a lot of black money that he wants to give away to “HIS CHILDREN” down here, so that he may not end up in hell himself!

Now another thingy that interests me is about what will happen if I were to actually receive my Rs. 10 Lakhs by donating 1 paisa. Assuming that I get the amount in a single year (highly impossible!), what will the treatment of that money? Certainly giving money to beggars does not count under any Tsunami relief fund contribution, even if Mr. Beggar were to be rechristened as Mr. Tsunami or Mr. Katrina or something like that. Also, I guess deductions under Section 80 C may not apply. So I believe I may have to pay tax for the money - around 30 percent on this amount (tax slab for any amount exceeding Rs. 2.5 lakhs is taxed @ 30%).

One technical question – so far, government has been taxing people for money earned on this planet, which has passed on from another human being. So if I were to beget money from a divine source, should I still be taxed? Also, I am infact adding to the circulation of money in the economy (assuming that I invest the money and not store it in my safe) – I should get a tax holiday!!! Vilasrao! Are you listening??? I want my money back!!!

Ok now one more important thingy – as discussed above, since we are not sure who the source of the remittance is, the only possibility (in case its not God) is the hand of the underworld. In that case, doesn’t this become like some sort of an illegal activity? Should we ban beggars? Or rather capture them and try out third degree torture? Maybe they`ll tell us where Dawood is???

Ok one more possibility just came to my mind – it could be lottery!!! Bhikari Chaap Super Lotto!!! Yeah and we`ll get some scratchy gal in rags to read out the lucky number as well, maybe…